Sunday, January 22, 2006
There's just got to be more
There's just got to be more of this life than what I am living. I find myself hitting walls more and more frequently. It's like I go through this period of time where everything the Lord has given me increases and then all of the sudden I have ran into another wall. These patterns are wearing me down. I want more, but how do I recieve more? What am I missing? I feel like there is this peice of a puzzle missing. Where is it? What is it? After a full day of actually stepping out and serving the Lord I am now empty inside. Though my joy was complete in those hours of loving and serving, at the end of my day I felt there should be more. What is more? I feel there is something going to happen and I am afraid I am not prepared for it. Thoughts run through my brain...Will my mother die soon? Will my husband ever pursue me? What is it going to take for me to be prepared? I think I'm scared of brokenness. Can I survive being broken again? It has come so often lately. But I do want more. I'm just scared of the process. What can I do? What shall I do? I'm suppose to pray for Soul Purpose in a little while and I do not even feel worthy do that. I know the Lord is faithful to prepare me, but there is this urgency in my heart. I need to know what to do. I need to know what it means to go further. I need to know what more is. I feel like He is near, but yet distant. I feel like He is trying to tell me His calling, but my ears cannot hear His whisper. All I know He is preparing me to be a bride...not only to my husband, but to Him. I have to be a bride to Him before I can be a bride to my husband. When will He complete this process? How much longer shall I wait? I want to see His face so badly, but I know there is more work to be done. Where is He leading me? Where am I going? What am I to do? There's just got to be more.
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wow. you sound like how i sound sometimes, all those questions. but, if you believe and do not doubt, you already have everything. relax, He's doing it already. even now He is moving. if you're so busy wondering where He is you probably already missed Him. that's cliche but true. be still and know that I am God.
you can't help God out like you think you can, He just wants your heart and your time and your mind and your body. yah, sometimes we have to look past ourselves and what we think we want. unless you let God and even ask Him to pull those nasty (even just okay) things out He won't and can't ever move closer.(it's too crowded with all of you.) once you've got salvation it's a forever process of refinement. praise God, you know this.
all i know for right now is that it seems everyone is hungry. and unless you're either 1)letting Him clean you out by refinement (what a wonderful testimony) or 2)pouring out from the overflow. overflow. not my flow, b/c i know what i'm doing, and i've got a schedule to keep, and i've only ever seen God work this way.... and i think the overflow comes when the holy Spirit has free reign. free to shake me and burn "me" off. refining. it seems nobody is going to get full very fast chomping on the old way of getting "more".
and yet i find i'm never perfect. but with clear eyes you can receive that vision and get the correct perspective for your life. and then b/c you believe and do not doubt what the holy Spirit has given you, you can get up and do things knowing you are doing the things He has prepared in advance for you to do. loving people. in this you will find fulfillment.
i love you.
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you can't help God out like you think you can, He just wants your heart and your time and your mind and your body. yah, sometimes we have to look past ourselves and what we think we want. unless you let God and even ask Him to pull those nasty (even just okay) things out He won't and can't ever move closer.(it's too crowded with all of you.) once you've got salvation it's a forever process of refinement. praise God, you know this.
all i know for right now is that it seems everyone is hungry. and unless you're either 1)letting Him clean you out by refinement (what a wonderful testimony) or 2)pouring out from the overflow. overflow. not my flow, b/c i know what i'm doing, and i've got a schedule to keep, and i've only ever seen God work this way.... and i think the overflow comes when the holy Spirit has free reign. free to shake me and burn "me" off. refining. it seems nobody is going to get full very fast chomping on the old way of getting "more".
and yet i find i'm never perfect. but with clear eyes you can receive that vision and get the correct perspective for your life. and then b/c you believe and do not doubt what the holy Spirit has given you, you can get up and do things knowing you are doing the things He has prepared in advance for you to do. loving people. in this you will find fulfillment.
i love you.
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